i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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