he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
