You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
