some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
