I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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