Will you blow on my dice?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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