I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
