She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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