I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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