ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
