He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
