our cab driver is having phone sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
