fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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