You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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