My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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