Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
