I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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