His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
