You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
