I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
