Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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