Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
