i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
