I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
