I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
