Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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