so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
