Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
