You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
