It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The air was thick with penises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
