and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
