She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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