I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
