Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
