ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
