Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
