Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
