plz talk dirty to me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
