Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
