i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
