apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
