getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
