i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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