ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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