you guys were way drunker than both of me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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