the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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