You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
