Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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