Got a toothbrush?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
