We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
