You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
